75 Hard

I want to preface this with wow- how long has it been since I wrote anything for this? Lets just not answer that… I do want to say that I have a lot of written but never published posts so that counts for what? Nothing I guess…

I have a lot to get through and a lot of things to talk about so I’m just going to skip the life update except to say this: Covid sucks, life is weird, we have all been places and done things we never thought we would and its led up to this point in time. So now I’m going to talk about 75 Hard and why I’m doing it and what my overall plans and goals are. Lets blast through this and get to work!

What is 75 Hard? Well I’m going to link the website here, and you can read about it yourself. But basically its a mental toughness challenge- “an ironman for your brain” as the creator Andy Frisella says. He has a great podcast about it (if you arent wild about cursing just be forewarned) that is full of information. BUT for me this is about being accountable and present for myself. Its about gaining the mental strength to start something and see it to the finish even if there are hard times, I dont want to do it, or I get bored. You can read back on this blog and see that there are TONS of failed attempts at things and I think that it stems from having the ability to keep myself accountable. I’m not saying that everything I do needs to have a start and a finish, I just want the big things that I say I’ll do- like losing weight, or committing to whatever goal I have, to happen for myself. And I think I need some mental toughness to make that happen.

If you dont know there are 5 things that you have to do everyday for the 75 days. They are:

  1. Work out 2 times a day for 45 minutes each- one of those workouts has to be outside
  2. Stick to a diet- no cheat meals or booze!
  3. Drink a gallon of water a day
  4. Read 10 pages of a nonfiction self help book
  5. Take a progress picture every day

There is an app thats like 5 bucks that’ll help you keep track of these things or you can just do it everyday on your own!

Right now these are my plans for each of these items

Exercise 2 times a day:

Right now I get up at 6 am every day (except weekends because I wanna sleep in!) and workout starting at 6:30 am. I rotate what I’m doing strength, yoga, cardio. I’ve been doing workouts on the Peloton App, which have been amazing. My second workout is either a bike ride or a walk. Everyday at 4 pm I leave for my walk/bike ride.


I am using Weight Watchers and eating within my points. Overall I need something that I can do long term and WW gives me the means to do that. I truly hate counting macros, though why points are better I dont know. But this is what I’m working with. I dont use my extra weekly points, and I eat clean so even though I can have McDonalds and count the points, I’m not doing that because of the challenge. In the long run of life and my goals for this year, I am looking for a diet that is sustainable long term and depriving myself of everything just isnt going to work. I’m not eating sweets, except fruit, or fast food or anything. I just really like WW and the flexibility that I have with it.

In general I am looking at giving up booze for the whole year. Though that is not something that I am aiming for, its just something that comes with this challenge. I think its an important thing to look at because I feel like because of covid I’ve been drinking a lot more.


I think this is pretty self explanatory. I have a huge gallon jug that I fill up each night and I have a 32 oz cup that I use during the day and fill from the jug so I can have cold water. It works.


So right now I’m reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck and I like it okay. It wont last me the entire challenge so I have some books on Amazon that I put on a wish list that I’ll use when I get done.

Progress Pictures:

Every morning I get dressed and take a progress picture right before I workout. It works for me!

There isnt a lot of difference between day one and day 7, and thats okay! Next week I’ll try to make sure to get the right pants with the right bra and pants to match up with day one, and yes there are 8 because today is my 8th day.

As you can see I’ve been doing this for 7 days. Thursday was the end of my first week. I have some goals for this year that I’m going to share here and the 75 Hard is the first part of that goal. 75 Hard isnt about weight loss though they say that it is a byproduct of the challenge. My goal this year is about weight, but I think that I need the mental toughness to make it happen, which is why I’m starting with the 75 Hard and working my way through it.

I’m not calling this a resolution because its really just something that I would do whether it was January or May. Its just that I recently found out about 75 Hard and wanted to do it. So I started on the first of the year.

My goal this year is going to be to lose 100 pounds. I know thats a big undertaking so I’m just going to break it up by 3 month intervals and I’m going to apply the 75 hard rules and maybe look into some other challenges. But I think that having the right mental strength to make this happen and to set rules for myself and stick with them is going to be what makes this time different.

One of the things that is on my weekly list of accountability is posting here. Of course I’ll give you an overall view of my 75 Hard when I get done, but one of the ways to keep myself accountable is going to be here on the blog, and I do daily posts in a Facebook fitness group with my friends.

There are other phases that come after the 75 Hard program but I’m not sure if I’m going to do them once I get done. Something that Frieslla talks about in a podcast is how one of the phases he has people stop the 5 requirements for a month to see how they react when you take away the rules. That was something that really stuck with me. It might be part this process for me.

I just know that every 3 months I’m going to reassess how I’m doing (I do this weekly with my workout plan) and make adjustments to what I’m doing to reach my 100 lb weight loss and how its being done. At the end of March I’m going to take a look at what I need to do next to keep working toward my goal. I know I get burnt out and bored, its just a personality trait of mine or maybe something that I just do. And taking stock of my goals and plans on a shorter term is going to need to be something that I plan into my program!

I just want to end this by saying that I do finish things, I do follow through with goals. Just sometimes not the really hard ones, and for some reason not the weight loss one. Oh I’ll lose weight for a short period of time, a couple of months, three months, etc. But for the long term I dont keep it off and I dont stick with my goals and I want that to change for me.

Tough times- But working on better times

This past year (not 2020) but 2019 was a rough year. At the beginning of 2019 I was doing great and feeling good. I was doing the food elimination thing and I had lost some weight. Not on purpose but because I wasnt eating crap and my tummy was doing better. I learned some stuff about my body and myself but it was just a really rough year!

I’m lucky that I even get to sit here and tell you that I need a reset. With all the crazy that has been going down in 2020, I’m very lucky to be able to even have the option of getting healthier or working on my goals. There as been a lot of learning this year, a lot of growth and a lot of ups and downs both personally but also just in the world in general.

I just know that right now my life needs a reality check in terms of my health. At the start of the quarantine I had really good goals to leave this thing better than when I came in health wise, but its been hard. Depression has been a real battle with me and eating is the way I cope. But I’m really motivated to make some changes and I’m going to tell you why.

If she ever reads this my best friend will just have to forgive me, but its also not anything that I havent told her. So in the last year 2 of my good friends have had weight loss surgery, they are a married couple and one just had it done last Friday and the other in December. I’m so happy for them, and I understood why they did it. They were over weight, they had some success with losing weight the traditional way, but not as much as they wanted. Both are in their 40s and needed a boost to make it work. Well my bestie who is also friends with this couple has decided that she needs this weight loss surgery too.

Normally I would probably be all on board for it, but she is only 25 and not crazy overweight. I think  a lot of it is just insecurity with her body, but she decided in May she wanted to do it and her surgery is scheduled for July 4. And I just feel like that terrifies me. When I was 25 I was not ready for that kind of thing. Im 34 and still dont think that I would want surgery. It scares me even more that her surgeon isnt making her do at least 6 months of dieting to try and lose weight before the surgery like I have seen other people go through (and like the couple I mentioned before did).

Part of me doesnt want to be the only fat person in our friend circle. The other part of me wants to get the surgery too because I dont want to be super over weight. But I feel like its the easy way out of this and that people can do it but if you dont make real lasting lifestyle changes your stomach can eventually stretch back out. And thats what I really dont hope for with my friend. I just want her to make the the choices that are best for her and I feel like if she just made some lifestyle changes she would lose weight. I also dont think that taking this easy way out is healthy for her, but thats just my opinion and we all have to do what we feel is right for ourselves.

So I am not taking the easy way out, Ive decided and Im not going to be the only fat friend. I am doing weight watchers right now, 1. because I like to eat, but 2, it keeps me accountable and 3. its something that I can do and not feel deprived. Thats a major issue I have. If I feel like I’m not getting to eat what I want- I just go overboard and eat too much of it. I want to make better food choices for sure. I’m not saying that I’m eating candy and crap on weight watchers. I’m just saying if I want a cookie- I can have it and not feel guilty about it. Honestly right now, Ive cut out the junk because I do have a tendency to over eat it and I need the reality check of not having that as an option right now.

I know from experience that the thing that works the best for me is just consistency. So I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing right now. I made a little vlog video last night and I’m going to post it here (hopefully its not too long) that really explains what I am doing and my goals. But if you dont want to watch the video I’m going to post my goals here:

I have a long term goal to lose 108 pounds. But I know its not feasible to just have this super long term goal with no break in between it so I’m going to break it into twoish week goals that I know I can do.

So from yesterday until June 30 this is what I’m going to do every day:

  1. Make better food choices
  2. Drink 3+ big yetti cups of water
  3. Work out 3+ times a week. If I do more great- but the min. right now is 3.
  4. Log everything I eat in the WW app

I feel like those 4 goals are doable and they line up with what I want to be doing personally to be better. And really the most important thing is to be consistent in what I’m doing.

The end of the month goal for me is to be able to fit into my pants better- which is a result of my efforts but also something that I know I can make happen. And to give myself a little happy that I did hit my goal I’m going to buy a new pair of workout pants and maybe a new bra.

Its a super long video (4 min) and basically just tells you what I told you! But wheee here we go! I’ll try to update here as I go, I have found that the more accountability that I have the better off I am and I dont know why I actually enjoy posting about this online but I do.

So what if you love yourself?

What I have always had a problem with is reconciling being fat and trying to accept myself the way I am. This past year I have never weighed more than I do now. Is that depressing? Fuck yes it is, but sometimes you just gotta do what you need to for yourself to live! This year has been a shit storm of life throwing things in my face. BUT around this time in 2018 I decided that I was going to start to take more of an interest in myself, dressing better, caring more about what I look like (fashion, makeup, jewelry, etc). I’ve always just been the “teeshirt and jeans girl” so what if I became the “girl who people say looks nice every day?” (I’m about to flood this blog with Instagram pictures- also if you arent following me on Instagram- you should be! 😉 Click here to see my feed- tho I cant promise that its going to be photos like the ones you’ll see below- its more workout and food oriented right now. I’m a multifaceted person- give me a break).

You can only go on so long before you realize that maybe you will never be any thinner than you are in this moment. And what if I never lose the 150 pounds off of my body that needs to go away? It’s this constant pressure, and a never ending emotional drain, to have something hanging around your neck that both excites you (because you go through bouts of “I got this! I can do it!!”) and depresses you (because other times you feel defeated and guilty for sliding back into old habits). So what if, for a while, you just stopped trying to lose the weight? What if you just took stock of where you are in this moment mentally and physically and just loved yourself? I’m not saying stop working out and eating in a healthy way. I’m saying that you took away that constant social pressure of needing to be thinner.

So what happens when you do that? Well you realize that there are more important things than having the goal to be “skinny”, and that there are a whole lot of other people out there that love themselves just the way they are. There is a whole online community of people who just want others to accept themselves exactly the way they are. Some of them are fat, some of them are skinny, but they are all real people. The idea of body positivity is important! We cant all walk around every day and be gloomy that we look the way that we do. Again, am I saying be unhealthy? No, thats not what I’m telling you. I’m telling you (and myself) that you are more than just a fat person, you are more than just a person that doesnt fit inside the mold that society has painted as acceptable.

Now, off of my soapbox for a while. I wanted to share this post because my year has been full of moments where I’ve looked at myself in pictures and been proud of who I saw in the photograph. Never during, or in, any of the “art” pictures that I took for grad school did I feel that way. The only time I have felt happy with what I saw in a picture was when I would take a picture of myself looking in a mirror and I felt skinner than the last picture I took OR when I was lifting weights. And thats when I realized that this perception of having to be skinny was just as unhealthy as me stuffing my face with Doritos!

So what if you love yourself? I think sometimes we all need to take a step back from this idea of having to lose weight if its going to make us not love who we are. I’ve been thinking as I’ve been getting back into the swing of trying to lose weight- if only I had stuck with the dieting and constant exercise for the last year, how much weight would be off my body now? Well I didnt do that, and the “what-ifs” of the world dont do me any good and actually make me doubt the love that I have found over the last year. Do I always love myself? Ha! NO! It’s a struggle every dang day. Do I take good pictures all the time? HAHA, thats even funnier. There are more bad pictures from the ones that I took that I never shared (I’ll show you some too!) because I felt like they werent the best. I mean part of it is Instagram- so you show your best pics, but at the same time, if I’m going to love myself I should love me even when the pictures dont look great!

What I’m telling you is that its okay to take a break from slogging through the mental battle of the “what if I’m skinnier”. Not all of us are going to lose 120 pounds in a year. I’m not saying thats not possible for everyone. I’m just telling you that hasnt been my experience, partly because I have shitty follow through about some things, but also because if I’m not going to love myself the way I am right now, who is?

If you read the “about me” you’ll see that I mention that I started this blog back in grad school (waaay the hell back in like July of 2015) which was right at the end of grad school. Today I was looking through the old pictures that I put up when I was losing weight and gaining all the gains in 2016 (see picture here) and I was like- man look how skinny I was! Look how far I’ve fallen! But I had to check myself because the 2016 me was consumed with skinny. I said back then I wanted to be healthy- but lets be real- I want to be skinny too! But 2016 me didnt love herself for the right reasons. She didnt love her adventurous spirit, her love of fashion and clothes, she couldnt squat almost 400 pounds, she didnt know that there was more to loving herself than just losing weight and being thin.

2016 me!

So hello world! I’m a year older than when I was last writing this blog and I am a year further into knowing who I am as a person and loving myself even when I dont look or weigh what I want to.  I also want to end this with telling you that do I still struggle? Yes every day. I look in the mirror and often I’m not happy. But the more that I learn to accept myself whether I’m dressed up, dressed down, fat, thin, make up or no, the better I’m going to feel about myself and about not fitting into what society thinks I should be. I want to end this with an affirmation that I think is fitting-

“I let go of all reasons and excuses for not loving myself.”

And guess what! You should too!


The Burn

Today marks the second day of #Squatober. If you didnt know, I’m a HUGE fan of squats. The people at my crossfit gym used to joke that I only showed up on deadlift day and squat day. Really I dont like deadlifts nearly as much as a good squat. It doesnt matter what kind of squat it is, weighted, front squat, back squat (tho this is my bread and butter), goblet squat, air squat, sumo squats. I love them all. They all have a place in my heart.


Squatober is basically a month long October challenge to squat every day. You can find the suggested workout plan for the day on the instagram page of @PenAndPaperStrengthApp and they share what to do the next day. You can also read here at Stack.com why you should be doing this! Its not too late either, I feel like with this kind of thing you can jump in at any point and still get a good workout. Or just start from the beginning. But regardless, I’m super stoked for this month of squats.


I wrote in my last post that stopped going to Crossfit, and if you read further back you’ll see that I had been looking for a gym and wanted to start more lifting and less CF. Well that hasnt really changed in the last year. I go through spurts with CF, going hard for a couple of months and then falling off. There are a lot of things I love about it, but one of my main reasons for stopping was 1. my schedule doesnt always fit their classes and 2. its expensive! I also really just want to lift weights, and they dont really cater to that unless you can get to open gym time and those times do not fit into my day. They are always while I’m at work. So I had to leave and say a fond farewell, maybe I’ll go back someday and I’ll always be a huge supporter of the CF culture, but for now, I’m out.

This morning at the gym 

So on Monday I joined a new gym, I’ve been at Planet Fitness since I left CF, and it is a good decent gym. It just isnt what I want in terms of the equipment. PF is a everyman’s gym. I need someplace that I can actually squat and not on the devil of a Smith machine. The new gym is a diamond and its just full of weights, I can squat, dead lift, bench press to my hearts content. And I mentioned in the title the burn… well this is the first time in a WHILE that I have had the pleasure of having a nice burn of soreness. And I can tell you that I really missed it!

I have lost some weight and seen some progress at planet fitness. I dont want you to think that I havent been putting in the time there, I have. But its just not what I want right now. I started at the beginning of September and have been consistently going about 3 days a week. Which was my goal! Like I said, I’m just ready to step it up and really start getting to a point in lifting that makes me happy. I would also really like to start training for a competition. But that can be a goal for another time. Right now I have a goal for the month and I’m ready to make it happen!


One year later

So much has happened in the year since I last posted. But I’m not going to do a huge recap. I’m just going to start here and tell you that in the last year I havent done what I wanted to in terms of being healthy and the gym. I’ve come to accept myself a little more the way I am. I did stop crossfit. Not because I dont love it, but because we had to buy a new car and I had to figure out what to pull out of my budget. This year has been exhausting. Both of my grandparents died, I’ve kinda put the SCA on the back burner for the moment and I’m not any skinner than I was a year ago- probably less so now.

All I know is that when I am writing here on the blog I have a better time staying accountable. Even if its only to myself. I know like 1 person reads this (and its my mom- hey mom!) and maybe my brother if he gets online.  I was doing so well for a while and I know that accountability is what keeps me going. So while I cant promise to post every day- I can say that I want to use this as a way to keep myself accountable. I’m going to set some goals for October and I think this is going to be a great place to put it.

In October I’m going to

1. Post all my meals on MFP even if I tank the day and do horrible. But my goal is to stay inside of my calories and make better food choices. Even on the weekends- which are my enemy.

I have a friend visiting the second weekend in October and my main concern is that I wont eat well while she is here. But we’ll cross the bridge when we get there. I might need a plan going into that weekend. I’ll think about it and see if I can come up with a good one.

Sub categories of this goal is:

  • 1 a- no eating out (Except for when my friend visits- because I’m sure we’ll go out then and I am going to have a work dinner this Wednesday- I get that things come up so if I have to eat out- I’m going to go with the healthy option)
  • 1 b- No junk food
  • 1 c- No refined sugar (I’m not giving up fruit!)

2. Work out 5 days a week.

Specifically I’m also going to add into my workouts 50 of each: sit-up, squat and pushup. I want to start getting up in the morning again and going into the gym. I wont be able to do that today- but I will tomorrow.

3. Getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night

4. Drink 4 of my 24 oz cups a day. 5 would be ideal but I can work my way into it.


Right now, thats it. I’m not trying to lose a specific amount of weight or have a target goal for clothes, I just want to get into healthy habits and make them stick for a month. I have a workout plan which I can talk about at a later time. I just need to go and do it.

I am part of a group on facebook that is all about fitness and everyone has their own goal and they are really into “challenges”. So I’m going to start my own challenge for October:

“The October Fitness and Wellness Challenge”

Each day:

  • No junk food
  • No eating out (see reference above)
  • No sugar
  • Write down everything you eat (in myfitness pal)
  • Drink 60+ oz of water
  • 7-8 hours of sleep
  • Work out once a day (4-5 days is the goal- and can include any kind of exercise)

Thats it. Thats the challenge. Nothing crazy, if you have specific goals- set them. If you want to join- comment down below and lets hold each other accountable! I’m on MyFitnessPal as ladylizzabeth. Each day I’ll post to my feed what I did accomplish for the day. So if you want to join in- add me and post at the end of the day how you did!

I also want to say that- hey- I get it sometimes you get sick, some nights you have to stay up late for something. Sometimes you are going to have to go out to eat because of work/life/friends/etc. All I’m saying is that this month is all about healthy choices. Try to make the healthiest choice for yourself every day. Open up the Reminders app in your iphone or get an app on your android that lets you make a list (y’all I have no idea how androids work so you’re on your own there!) and make this list for each day of the week and check those bitches off! There is nothing in the world as satisfying as checking something off your list

IMG_5243        IMG_5242

Good luck (to myself) and to all of you if you want to join in!





Follow up: have plan – need gym

A few weeks ago I told you about my hunt for a gym. The next day we did our first early morning swim. We (me, my mom and brothers) met at the gym and did laps for 30 minutes.

I can say that  was the first time I’ve been sore in a long time, which was nice. It was refreshing to go for a swim. I’m not the fastest but at the end I could feel my legs burning and it was a good feeling.

The pros of getting up at 4:30 to go workout:

At 6:55 am I have:

  1. Worked out
  2. Taken a shower
  3. had breakfast
  4. my lunch packed (which I did last night

Cons of waking up at 4:30:

Its four freaking thirty in the morning!

It took me two cups of tea this morning to feel like a normal person! But thats okay.


Soooooo…. as a follow up to the gym saga. When I went to talk to the box about open gym times, I *might* have said that I was coming back. Why? Because I love my friend/coach who I was talking to and didnt want to disappoint her and I guess in the back of my head I do love CF, I just really want to lift right now.

But she took me seriously. So I woke up the next morning with my bank account being auto-drafted for a month of crossfit. I dont want to be a dick and ask for my money back, so I just sucked it up and went. Is it what I want to do right now? Not really. But if I dont want to do the workout at the box- I have other options like the center’s bro gym- which next time I’m going right at 5am so I can get in on what I want. Fight me bro.

I can go swim.

Maybe this is what I need anyway- a jump start back into CF. Sometimes stuff happens for a reason and so I’m just going to go with it because I paid for it and because I said I would. This is my updated plan:

Monday- CF

Tuesday- CF or Bro gym

Wednesday- Swim in the morning. CF in the evening

Thursday- Swim/CF- this is my work from home day so I can do both in a day

Friday- CF or Bro gym

I want to go to CF at least 3 times during the week. I’m shooting for 2-3 days of CF a week and if I go to the bro gym I’ll do whatever PL workout I have for that day.

Have plan – need gym

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog about what I wanted to accomplish, and for the first week I did well. The second week our house was stuck with illnesses so my workout plans fell by the wayside (but we’ve been doing GREAT with the budget! So there is that!).

I feel like I have a more solid plan for what I want to do now. I did the 80 day obsession for a week. It wasnt horrible it just isnt the kind of workout my body needs now. A few years ago it would have been exactly what I wanted. There is something wonderful about going at your own pace and shooting for higher weights and just smelling the rubber from the weights as you lift… its the best.  I loved powerlifting when I was doing it. I dont think I want to go back to crossfit yet though. I’m just not ready for that, and thats not really where I am right now.

I’ve been looking around at different gyms. My brothers are going to be swimming two days a week and the center where they swim is pretty cheap so I decided two days a week I would go swim with them.

That leaves the other days of the work week (one day I’ll double up) for powerlifting. I just need to find a gym that will work. I talked to my crossfit box and they’ll only let me PL during the open gym hours, which I totally get. There isnt always room for a rando person to be doing whatever they want. But the open gym time conflicts with my schedule. So thats out.

A few days ago I signed up for a free pass to 10 Fitness. They have a local gym and there are gyms all over the Little Rock metro area so I can workout wherever if needed. So I got a call yesterday about how I had signed up and I told the manager that I was going to come in last night around 6ish to look around. He told me that they were have a huge membership sale and that I should come in. After I get off, I get dressed to workout and go up there. I really wanted to do my first set of PL for the week- but the manager (Wade) is trying to sell me on their top tier membership plan that comes with some weird kind of pysdo- crossfit kind of workout with a coach. He asks me what my goals are I say I want to PL and lose some weight. He tells me that they have a nutrition coach that can help me and that even he does the fake crossfit workout and that its really hard and it is fantastic for losing weight. Doesnt show me around the gym and tells me that they are about to start the workout if I want to join in to try it out. I feel pressured and so I say sure. The whole time I’m like- if I wanted to do crossfit I would have done that and not this. This is fake crossfit and I want to lift. Its an okay workout but I left right after because all that manager saw was a fat person he could sell a membership to. Afterwards I did look around on my own and they only have one set up for doing weight lifting the rest is just bench press, smith machines, free weights and weight machines that are specific to one movement, plus a TON of cardo stuff. No thanks.

Next I decided that I would try out the center where I’m going to swim because they have a weight room. This morning I get up at 5 to get in there by 5:30. The place is swarming with people. There is a guy on the rig I need to do squats, but I have other stuff I can do while I wait for him to get done, so I do everything I can up until I need to do deadlifts and front squats. Dude is STILL on this rig. I ask another guy because he is watching the dude on the rig if the thought the other guy would be done soon, and he says the other guy is about to start something else. So I use a bench press holder as the front rack to do my front squats. No way would this work for a backsquat. I do the deadlifts with a preset weight barbell because dude is STILL on it. Finally I get to my core (which I always do at the end) set and this is 45 minutes into the workout and he is STILLLLLLLL ON THE RIG and I look over and some other bro walks up and asks if he can get in while the guy is putting up the weights. I finish my last set 55 minutes after I first got there and no one is on it anymore. I made do, but that dude was on it before I even got there. Makes my head want to explode. I only needed it for like 10 minutes maybe. Ugh. So I think that this place is out. Its crowded and there just isnt enough of the weightlifting gear to go around. Too bad too because its super nice.

Now I’m looking for another gym that will work. I cant do anything tonight because I teach but tomorrow night I’m hoping to be able to stop by and look around at a different gym that is in the next town over (its really like my town and this town are one whole town now) and see if they have what I need. I am hoping so because my backup plan is to join a gym in Little Rock and I dont really want to because its going to mess up my schedule. Boo.


New Beginnings

I have not touched this for about a year. I’m not worried about it though because no one reads this. I dont have followers- I mainly post because its nice to be able to get things off my mind when I have talked about it too much with the people in my life.

I’m in a weird place in life right now. I have a job- but I need a new one. My current job was only supposed to be temporary so eventually I’m going to need to find something new. Plus I want to be more financially stable.

We’re going to need a new car- my husbands car is on the fritz and mine is not doing much better. Both are over 12 years old and it looks like we’ll be needing new ones eventually. I’m going to drive mine into the ground but I’m hoping they can hold off for another year or two (*fingers crossed*)

I dont want to be in debt any more. I swear to the good lord that I’m shredding my credit cards and never using them again. I’m not kidding. I just cant use the things anymore. Some of it is from grad school, some of it was from when I quit my job last year, some of it was living beyond my means- all of it is debt and I’m going to have to pay it back. I have student loans and I have credit card debt- so I made a plan to pay of the credit cards. Its just been this weight on my chest that I cant deal with anymore. I’m going to shred all but one of them when I get home tonight and I’m only going to use the card if I have the money to pay it off. If I cant afford it- I cant buy it. Its just that simple.

I’m fat. There I said it. I saw a picture of myself the other day and it was so depressing it just made me want to cry. I just cant keep living like this. I want to feel and be healthy again. I want to be able to fit into my own clothes again. I cant keep gaining weight. I have never weighed this much in my entire life and I hate myself because I just feel like crap. So the changes I’m making now to my diet and to my life actions are going to be life changes forever. I just cant feel like this anymore.


So this is a new beginning.

A new beginning of making better financial decisions and finding a job that is stable. A new beginning of making better health and life decisions.

I’m going to do a better job of taking care of myself. I’m going to have more confidence in my abilities and what I can offer in a job. I am making over my mental, physical and overall health. There isnt a better time to do it than now.

These are my goals:

Always wear sunscreen

Wash my face before bed and in the morning

Stop eating out (not just for health but for my budget)

Stick to my budget

Save more money

Do more for other people

Workout every day

If given a choice choose the healthier option

Make diet changes I can stick with

Stay accountable

Never look at a credit card again

Save enough money to go on the cruise

Every week keep track of my budget


I have other goals of course but this is a rough list of decisions that I’m trying to make every day. I feel like that line in this post is a literal line in the sand between the choices that I was making before and the ones that I need to make now to be a better me.

Now I’m going to give you some short term goals:


Lose 10 pounds by December

Finish the 80 day obsession workout videos

Track my macros every day- no matter what

Drink Plexus Every day- no sodas

Limit the booze


Put away money each week for our cruise


Apply for at least 3 jobs a week- even if I dont think I’m qualified



Thanksgiving Detox Challenge Wk 1

Well lately I’ve been on a see food eat food diet. After hurting my shoulder recently I havent been working out like I should. 1 because I’m lazy and 2 because it has hurt. I’m a little extra fluffy right now and I want to do a 3 month challenge. Not necessarily for being perfect or eating 100% one way or another way and not a real detox. More like a detox for getting back to being healthy in general. So this is going to be a gradual three month challenge.

The past few times I’ve tried to do RP or Keto things have fall apart. Mostly because I havent been in a good head space and partly because they are all or nothing kind of events. So I want to make this as nice to myself as I can. If you want to join in feel free to do it with me. I’m going to start off slow and build on my previous weeks. So each week will have a new challenge and hopefully will build upon what I’ve done in the past or take something out of my diet that I dont need. The end result will not just be weight loss but getting back slowly into a healthy frame of mind.

Week 1: Write down what I eat no matter what it is

Week 2:Do some type of physical activity for 30 minutes for 4 days

Week 3: Drink a gallon of water a day

Week 4: No junk or Fast food

Week 5: Go to bed an hour earlier- Shoot for 8 hours of sleep

Week 6: Eat Veggies with at least 2 meals a day

Week 7: No eating out at all

Week 8: Low carbs this week!

Week 9: No refined sugar

The last 3 weeks are TBD!

Week 10:

Week 11:

Week 12:

I have goals…

Thats what I have to keep reminding myself- I have goals. Life has thrown a lot at me lately and it has made me have to rethink how I’m going to fit into this dress/lose weight.

Last Friday I was at the gym and the WOD called for double unders. I landed wrong and felt a sharp shooting pain in my leg right under my calf. I did a few more jumps- it felt wrong. I stopped and got the bike out, stretched my leg some and finished out the workout. It hurt though! I got home and was told by my mom that I needed to go to the doctor. Went to the doc and found out that I sprained my Achilles and that I cant do any high impact for two weeks.

This first week (its been a week now) I havent done anything at the gym. 1. because of the injury and 2. it kinda threw me off my game and lastly 3. I just wanted to baby it and I didnt know where to go from here. I had planned a 3 month RP cut 6 days in the gym, PL and CF and it was totally thrown out the window with one jump rope!

I said I would be doing RP- and wanting to do CF and PL- I just dont think thats going to happen now for a couple of reasons, the injury for one but second because I think I grossly underestimated the amount of time that I was going to need to prep for my lighting and intro to art classes. So I dont think RP is going to work this time around.

Where does that leave me? With trying to figure out what eating plan to do. I decided to go with a macro based diet this time around. I have several reasons for this- It has worked in the past for me. I do well when I’m tracking what I eat. Mentally I need to be able to sometimes eat out or sometimes have a brownie or a cookie or ice cream or a bag of chips.

RP changed my relationship with food- it taught me that you can eat food and lose weight- it taught me that eating clean is going to give me a better performance in the gym. BUT mentally doing a clean diet with no cheats is beyond me right now. So I’m going to eat clean with an occasional cookie or brownie, etc. Thats what I need.

I’m still going to be eating high protein, with carbs and low/moderate fats and I’ll adjust my carbs and fats as I go. I’ll also be treating this as a three month cut- where at the end I’ll ease up on trying to lose weight and just try to moderate my eating so I’m maintaining because RP does something good and thats to get people out of the thinking that you should diet all the time. Because you shouldn’t! You cant expect your body to always lose weight- eventually you are going to have to cut and cut and cut out calories to continue that weightloss- and thats not healthily.

So here we are! I’m trying to find a more moderate and more doable way to lose weight. I’m going to go back to the gym tomorrow- even if its just to ride the bike and maybe do some core work. I’ll be able to see how it feels from there with no pressure of a class and take it from there.

Lots of things to look forward to (like the occasional cookie!!) and being able to feel better about myself because I am working toward a better me. I realized the other day that there are a million ways to do this thing- I just have to do the best thing for me. Yeah- its a work in progress but I’ll figure it out!